


We made all the wrong choices

by browneyedgenius



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And then more angst, Angst, F/M, Gen, I don't even know if this will make you cry kat because it's barely angst now, Mentions of graphic violence, Minor Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie/Yo Yo Rodriguez, Minor Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Minor Phil Coulson/Melinda May, S5 Canon Divergence, and then there's canon divergence, angst war 2020, angsty, but am I really sorry?, is this even angst anymore?, it started out angst, like i mean, major s5 spoilers, make kat cry 2020, probably not, sorry Kat, tw for multiple character deaths, tw for suicide, tw for violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/browneyedgenius/pseuds/browneyedgenius
Summary: The team may have saved Coulson, but they couldn't save the world.The team may have saved Coulson, but they couldn't save themselves.A story of the team's lives and subsequent deaths on the post-apocalyptic Lighthouse.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Leo Fitz & Melinda May & Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 13
Kudos: 17
Collections: Angst War 2020





	We made all the wrong choices

**Author's Note:**

> TW for: Suicide, graphic violence, major character death(s)

“I’m not going.” Coulson said.

With a growing sense of dread, Daisy took in the pale pallor of his skin, the way he seemed to be panting with every breath. Even though part of her already knew the answer, she still asked. “What? Why?”

Coulson gave her a sad smile. “Because I can barely stand.” He gripped the bar on the ceiling of the quinjet even tighter, as if it were the only thing holding him up. For all Daisy knew, it could’ve been. 

“You didn’t take it,” she stated, her heart dropping. 

“Didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like the way this was supposed to go.” His words were punctuated by heavy breaths and wheezes, by sweat trickling down his forehead. “I'd have told you on the Zephyr, but you'd have pinned me down and -” 

Coulson swayed on his feet, his vision blurring. His grip on the bar loosened until he collapsed with a heart wrenching  _ thump _ . 

“Coulson? Coulson!” No answer. No pulse either, Daisy found as she pressed two fingers to his neck. 

Davis turned around in his pilot seat, frantically pressing buttons on the quinjet. “I’ll call for a med team.”

Daisy didn’t reply, she was busy trying her best to perform CPR. She sent down waves and waves of strong vibrations towards Coulson’s chest, to no avail. Shaking out her wrists in a vain hope to strengthen her vibrations, she suddenly felt something dislodge in her gauntlets. A small vial fell out. Daisy’s eyes widened as she realized what it was. 

“Yo-Yo,” she breathed. In the back of her mind, she realized how ironic it was that her friend’s attempt at saving the world would end up saving Coulson instead. She jammed the tip of the needle into Coulson’s neck. 

Coulson’s eyelids fluttered just as screams and crashes erupted once more from outside the quinjet. 

“Daisy,” Coulson coughed, regaining strength. “You shouldn’t have done that.” 

Daisy sighed in relief. “I don’t regret it,” she said. 

“You will.”

<>

Daisy almost regretted it as she was embraced in the gravitonium coming out of Talbot’s hands. 

She almost regretted it when she heard Coulson’s heartbroken yells as she was about to die. 

She almost regretted it when she was consumed by the gravitonium. 

She definitely would’ve regretted it if she had known about her final, uncontrolled quake that brought a quinjet down, killing Mack and Polly Hinton inside. She would’ve regretted it if she had seen the world slowly cracking apart. She would’ve regretted it if she had seen May’s expression as Coulson broke the news of her death to her before they left the shattered surface of the Earth. She would’ve regretted it if she had heard Yo-Yo’s broken sobs when she found out about Mack. 

And most of all, Daisy would’ve regretted it if she had known about the horrible way the rest of her family died. 

<>

Years had passed since May, Coulson, Fitz, Simmons, and Yo-Yo had arrived at the Lighthouse along with the rest of the world. Days were no longer marked by the rising and setting of the sun, but were instead organized by harsh bells that would go off every hour from 9 am to 9 pm. Robin had practically adopted May as her mother, and ever since May and Coulson got married, Coulson as her father as well. What was left of the SHIELD team became more tight-knit than before, no longer brought together by Daisy but rather by the loss of her. 

Yo-Yo had long since gone to attempt to kill Kasius, and, true to the time loop, she hadn’t come back. So their little family of the original six shrank once more. 

The birth of Maisie Fitz-Simmons brought moments of levity where the agents could smile and laugh once more. (“We named her after you and Daisy,” Simmons had told May softly, “We want her to be like the bravest women we’ve ever met.”)

There were times when May still broke down crying as she caught a glimpse of the cracked Earth and all they had lost, but those were balanced by happy moments with Coulson, Robin smiling more, the first steps and words of Maisie.

Life wasn’t great on the Lighthouse, but it wasn’t too bad either. Slowly but surely, though, the home away from home turned into the one they had seen in their trip to the future. 

The first Renewal was marked by Robin speaking less and less, withdrawing into the little girl she had been on Earth all those years ago. She started to cling to May tighter and tighter when they were out of their bunk and said ‘I love you’ to May and Coulson at least twice a day. It started small, with multiple weapons provided and only one or two people selected to die at a time. People still had hope back then. They refused to kill each other, but the grotesque and painful deaths dealt out by the Kree quickly put an end to their quiet rebellion. 

When the Kree started forcing Terrigenesis on anyone between the ages of 18 and 30, May often found Robin sitting on her bed with tears streaming down her face, scribbled prophecies in her lap and broken crayons in her hands. They knew nothing would happen to Robin or Maisie because of the time loop, but the team had to watch other children be torn from their families because of their newfound powers, had to watch parents with tear stained faces bid farewell to their children for the last time. 

Fresh food was slowly traded away for pebbles of tasteless nutrients, just enough to keep people alive. Books and mementos were burnt to keep warm as the Kree turned off the heating system as punishment for something one of the upper floors did. Any hope still left for SHIELD to magically materialize or hidden Inhumans to retake the Lighthouse was lost, a resigned numbness taking over. 

Throughout all of this, the team stayed busy. Fitz and Simmons tried to build the time machine that he knew his future (or was it past?) team would need, confronting numerous obstacles and setbacks along the way. Fitz still wasn’t convinced time could be changed, which was a source of tense argument between the two scientists. 

(“We tried, Jemma! We tried to save the world and it didn’t work!”

“Oh, so you’re just going to let alternate us live out the rest of their lives in the Lighthouse? You’re not even going to give them a chance?”)

May, Coulson, and Robin frequently made visits to the more hopeful out of the hopeless, spreading news about the prophecy. They knew their alternate selves’ ability to get back to their own time was dependent on the True Believers. 

They also knew that the Kree were starting to pay attention to them. All of them. Fitz’s days spent mostly inside his living quarters instead of working did not escape the Kree’s notice. Jemma’s hopeful and bright-eyed demeanor contrasted with the dullness of the rest of the Lighthouse, and was a source of great annoyance to the Kree. Rumours of Robin’s Inhuman abilities began to spread and her refusal to talk with anyone outside of her family and friends brought the ire of Kasius and his men. May and Coulson’s food rations were frequently taken away because they were ‘spreading rumours’. 

With all of this adding up, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise that the next Renewal would include them. 

<>

Loud Klaxons rung, inciting an almost fight-or-flight response in the residents of the Lighthouse. Resisting the urge to run, they lined up quickly against the grey, drab walls, holding their arms out, metrics facing up. May, holding Robin’s hand tightly, joined the line of terrified faces, with Coulson following behind them with heavy, tired breaths. His health, so costfully prolonged by the Centipede Serum, had already started to decline once more. 

May glared hatefully at the Kree soldiers as they scanned her metric, seeing Robin’s pale face out of the corner of her eye. She creased her brow in confusion as the Kree moved onto Coulson; was Robin getting a cold? Now that she looked more carefully, Robin’s eyes did seem a bit puffy, and her nose was red. She knew better than to ask Robin if she was feeling okay, though. Maybe later, when they were safely out of the Kree’s watchful eye. 

Coulson met Fitz’s eyes from across the hallway, giving him a solemn nod. He looked lost without Simmons and Maisie by his side, but relieved that the five year grace period after Maisie was born exempted both mother and child from Renewals. Fitz wasn’t as lucky, the Kree would only exempt one parent per family to keep any future Inhumans alive.

All of them glanced down at their metrics as the Kree placed a single revolver on the ground. They paused with bated breaths, ready to run or fight depending on what colour was displayed. 

May glanced at Robin’s metric first as it flashed blue.  _ Safe. _ She breathed a sigh of relief. She knew Robin wouldn’t die until years and years in the future, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t be forced to kill other people. She smiled at her daughter softly, she knew Robin was still unused to living at the Lighthouse. Once this Renewal was over, though, it would be some time before the next one. They’d be safe for a while longer. Then she turned back to her own metric. 

Red. 

Red for blood, for death, for killing. May turned to look at Coulson, only to be met with the same stricken expression that must’ve been on her own face. He slowly lifted his wrist, the colour of his metric matching the violent red on May’s. 

“C-Coulson, May,” they heard Fitz stutter across from them. They looked up to see red, once more, flashing dangerously on his wrist. None of them noticed the rush of people leaving the hallways, running to hide in their bunks before the impending bloodbath. 

“This- this doesn’t make sense,” May breathed, disbelieving. Her grip on Robin tightened. It was common knowledge that the selected were the lowest earners, and while they all brought in lower wages than normal, there were tons of people who earned much less than them. 

Coulson took in a tired breath. “The Kree probably noticed our weekend activities,” he said with his trademark light sarcasm. May gave a weak smile, but a miniscule furrowing of her forehead betrayed her worry. 

Robin’s voice interjected their whirlwind thoughts. “Mom,” the sixteen year old said, her voice breaking. “Mom.”

May took in her daughter’s tearstained face and she  _ knew. _ She suddenly realized that the stuffed nose and puffy eyes she had noticed earlier weren’t the symptoms of a cold, but rather the signs of a girl who was about to lose her mother. She realized that out of the three of them, two would have to die. And she realized that Robin knew who. 

She pushed down her fear, her unwillingness to die. (Because no matter how unafraid she seemed to be, how strong, some part of her was terrified at the thought of death.)

“Robin, baby,” May whispered, wrapping her arms around the girl. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll see me again, remember? And you’ll have to tell me the really important thing when you do.”

“I know,” Robin sobbed, burying her head into May’s shirt. It was difficult, she was as tall as May already. “But I’ll miss you, mom!”

A barely noticeable tear slipped down May’s cheek. “It’s okay, Robin,” she said, “We’ll see each other again on the last day. Wait for me, okay?” 

Robin nodded, too choked up to speak. May tucked her soft brown hair behind her ear gently. 

“Robin, you have to tell us one more thing. Who else has to…” May couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. It had been so, so hard to lose Daisy and Mack and Yo-Yo, she couldn’t imagine another member of her family dying, even if she was dying with them. 

Robin didn’t have to reply.

“I do,” Coulson’s voice rang out, stronger than it had been in ages. “It’s the logical choice.”

Fitz rested his hand on his forehead, his expression pained. “You’re right,” he said, his accent coming out as it did in times of stress. “I have to stay behind to finish the time travel machine. And-”

“And I’ll die soon anyway,” Coulson finished for him. “The only thing that could save me would be Kree blood, and I am not going through that again.”

Another sob came from Robin as she ran to hug her father figure. Coulson bent down and held her in his arms. 

“I can’t- I can’t just kill both of you!” Fitz yelled, stressed. Tears pooled in his eyes. “There must be some other way.”

“There isn’t, Fitz. We know we can’t kill those innocent people outside. And even if there were some other way, we can’t risk letting Maisie, Robin, and Jemma get hurt,” May said, laying a hand on his shoulder. With a wince, she forced her next words out. “And you’ll only have to kill one of us, not both.”

“Like that’s any better!” 

The lights on their metrics blinked faster and faster. 

“Look, Fitz, I’m sorry, but we have to do something, now. You know what will happen if we run out of time,” reminded Coulson reluctantly. They all gave an involuntary shudder, remembering what had happened to some of the more rebellious and hopeful Lighthouse residents during one of the first Renewals. 

“I’ll go first,” May said with a shaky breath, like it was just another one of their missions back on Earth. Fitz reached out to grab for the revolver before May could get to it, but he was too late. With a sad smile and trails of silvery tears running down her cheeks, May pressed the barrel to her temple. Her eyes were clear and the warmest they had ever been. Although her voice shook, her hand was steady. “It’s going to be okay, Fitz. I’ll get to see Daisy again.” 

She grasped Phil’s hand for one last time as he squeezed back tightly, expressing all the love he would never have a chance to voice again. Then she turned to her daughter. “Don’t look, Robin. I love you. Tell Jemma and Maisie I love them.”

Feeling the cold metal of the gun in her hand, the sharp tendril of fear curled its way around her abdomen once again. She was afraid to die, she already knew that. But dying so that Fitz-Simmons, Maisie, and Robin could live? Dying for an alternate her to get another chance at changing the world for the better? She knew it was worth it. 

May took a deep breath, then released the trigger. 

The sound of the revolver echoed through the hallways, and the small SHIELD team lost another member. 

Melinda May’s body, so small and frail in death, crumpled to the ground with barely a sound. 

All three SHIELD agents had known what would happen, of course, but it didn’t take any of the shock away. Coulson ran towards his wife, catching her as she fell. He cradled her in his arms, lashes wet with tears. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead as Robin and Fitz crowded around him, kneeling down. 

“No! May!” Fitz cried, distraught. “No, no, no.”

Robin was silent, having foreseen everything. She felt tears run their way down her cheeks, but couldn’t find the strength to wipe them away. 

Blink. Blink. Blink. The red light flashed ominously, reminding the group that the horror wasn’t over yet. Slowly, Coulson leaned over May’s warm body, his calloused fingers unwrapping May’s limp hold on the gun. He cocked it and gently pushed it towards Fitz. 

Fitz flinched away from it, as if it would burn him. “I- I can’t.”

Coulson put one hand on his shoulder, even as the other held May’s unfeeling hand. “Fitz.”

He turned towards Coulson’s comforting gaze. 

“Melinda told me something once, you know. She said the hardest choices were always made by the bravest people. And Fitz, you are one of the bravest people I have ever met. Never forget that, okay?”

Tears falling freely now, Fitz gave a nod. His shaking hands wrapped around the revolver, bringing it into his lap. He wrapped his arms around Coulson in an impulsive motion, and it was like he was a kid again, holding on to his mother with all of his might, burying his head in her shirt to block out his father’s shouting. 

Except this wasn’t to hide from his father, it was to hide from something much, much worse. 

And except that Alistair Fitz wasn’t his father in the ways that mattered. 

Phil Coulson was.

He admitted that fact to Coulson with a shaky smile now, and Coulson gave a genuine one back.

“I know, Fitz,” he said. “You’re the best son anyone could ask for. And I know you’ll be a great dad to Maisie. Take care of Robin for me, will you?”

Fitz didn’t trust himself to do anything but nod. He lifted the gun with a heavy heart, and pressed it to Coulson’s shirt, right at the heart. 

(“Gunshot wounds to the aorta typically cause instantaneous death,” Jemma had said to him when they were back at the academy and he still called her Simmons.

“It’s fascinating, really, but not entirely unexpected. You see, the aorta is one of the main blood vessels in the human body. It’s located right there, Fitz,” she continued with a smile, pointing to a spot near the heart on her poster of the human body, “but it’s a blood vessel, so it goes all around the body, naturally.”

He was sure she wouldn’t find the fact fascinating now.)

Coulson knew what was coming. “Thank you, Fitz,” he said, with his characteristic kindness tinging his voice, “for letting me die on my own terms instead of the Kree’s.” He let go of May’s hand to briefly squeeze Robin’s, giving her a warm smile. Then he closed his eyes, bracing himself. 

A twitch of the finger, and Fitz’s metric turned back to blue. 

<>

None of them really moved on from that, especially not Fitz. The days passed in a haze, with Fitz barely lifting his head up from his time machine, sometimes unable to even muster up a smile for Maisie. 

(“Mummy,” he heard Maisie say once when he was out of the room. “Why is daddy so sad?”

Jemma had given her a kiss on the forehead with tears in her eyes. “Because he lost people he loved very, very much.”)

Robin had moved in with them, proving to be an incredibly capable babysitter for when they inevitably had to leave Maisie at home while off at work. She would sit with Maisie as she chattered on about astrophysics and quantum mechanics and draw out pictures of moments in the past, where the team was still together. Many of those were pinned on Fitz and Simmons’ wall. 

Fitz would stare out at the stars each night, Jemma by his side. Tears in his eyes, he would voice to the stars everything he never had a chance to say to his family. After all, as Jemma had told him so long ago in a small pod beneath the sea, matter could never be destroyed. He could only hope that the atoms of Coulson, of May, Daisy, and Mack were out there somewhere, floating in the endlessly beautiful expanse of space. (He wished Yo-Yo was out there, too; he knew that fate had something else in store for her, something painful.)

On the bad days, he’d give a bittersweet smile to the stars.  _ I miss you, _ he’d say.  _ I miss all of you. _ They twinkled back at him, and Fitz imagined the lights were Daisy’s bright eyes, May’s warm smile, Yo-Yo’s fiery spirit, Mack’s protective personality, Coulson’s encouraging words.

On good days (because there were still somehow good days), he’d tell them excitedly about how Maisie aced the quiz on thermodynamics he and Jemma had given her, how Robin had found a way to add variety to their meals by crushing the food pellets up and adding water to create soup.

The years passed, with more bad days than good, and Fitz kept talking to the stars. 

_ There was another renewal today, _ he said less than three months later.  _ I turned my head away as they ran towards each other. I couldn’t watch. _

_ Today was Maisie’s sixth birthday. You would all be so proud of her.  _ He imagined Daisy’s laughter, her voice saying that Maisie had certainly inherited the Fitz-Simmons’ brains.  _ We gave her a book on the native flora and fauna of England. _

_ Robin drew me standing next to the completed time machine. I hope I finish it soon, I think I’m giving up hope. _

_ Maisie met Owen Shaw today, he lives on the other side of this floor. They’re both only seven, though, so thankfully nothing will happen between them for a few more years. _ It was one of the few times he allowed himself to think of his grandson. Thinking back now, he regretted being so dismissive towards him. For all his annoying tendencies, Deke was still part of his family, and heavens knew the Fitz-Simmons’ needed all the family they could get these days. 

_ Robin turned seventeen today, _ he whispered to the stars.  _ There’s only one more year until terrigenesis. We’ve never seen what could happen if an Inhuman encounters terrigenesis more than once, but we’re crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. _

Robin would visit sometimes as well.  _ Mom,  _ she’d say in her quiet voice.  _ I miss you. I know you said we’d see each other again, and I’ve seen it in my visions, but I don’t know how I’ll wait that long. I love you, mom.  _

_ Maisie’s eight now. It’s hard to imagine we’ve been stuck here for almost ten years. I can’t remember what fresh air tasted like anymore,  _ Fitz would say.

Occasionally, Simmons would add something of her own to their one sided conversations.  _ I miss all of you, _ she’d say.  _ It’s hard, raising a child in space. I don’t know how you did it, May, raising Robin to become such an amazing girl, but I expect you had quite some experience being a mother to Fitz, Daisy and me.  _ The last part would be said with a soft smile.

_ Robin went through terrigenesis today for the second time. There were no side effects, thankfully, other than a slight increase in health. She recovered from a cold she had previously suffered from for days, almost instantaneously. If we were still on Earth, Jemma would’ve published a study about it already.  _ A fond grin from Jemma, standing beside him.

_ Robin’s been required to move out, she’s in a room a little ways away from us now. We still check on her as much as we can, and she seems to be friendly with her neighbours. You’d be so proud of her, May. _

_ Maisie and Owen have become friends, _ Jemma said in an update.  _ It’s funny, they hated each other at first. I guess now that they’re ten years old and so much more mature, _ a touch of light sarcasm punctuated her tone,  _ they know enough to be friendly towards each other.  _

_ We’ve been keeping up the stories about the saviours coming from the future, you know,  _ Fitz would tell them.  _ It’s kind of strange, talking about our future alternate selves, but I know it’s necessary if time can actually be changed. I hope so, it’s nice to think that we’re all together somewhere.  _

_ Maisie’s turning thirteen tomorrow,  _ said Fitz with pride in his voice.  _ We’ve told her about all of you, now that she can understand better. We told her we named her after her aunts, her uncle, her grandparents. Heroes. _

One day, Maisie asked her parents a question that brought tears to their eyes. 

“Mum, Dad, can I talk to our family sometime?”

That night Fitz brought Maisie to the room looking out at the stars, and he draped a blanket around her before quietly exiting the space. He knew that this was something she’d need to do on her own. 

“Hi Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie Daisy, Uncle Mack, Aunt Yo-Yo,” she started with a bright smile. (Fitz hadn’t wanted to tell her about where Yo-Yo actually was, and Jemma had agreed wholeheartedly.) “I’m Maisie Mackena Phillipa Fitz-Simmons. It’s quite a mouthful, I know, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m fourteen years old now. I’m sorry I haven’t visited you earlier. There’s so much I want to tell all of you.

“Mum and dad say I’m supposed to be in secondary school now, if I had grown up on Earth. I wish I had, maybe then I would’ve been able to meet all of you in person, and maybe I would have more friends than just Robin and Owen. They’re really nice, but I imagine more friends would be even nicer. I like to think we’re all together somewhere, though, in some alternate version of this world. I know it’s perfectly plausible, mum and dad say there’s lots of evidence that points to the existence of a multiverse. 

“I was actually named after all of you, really. Maisie is for Grandma May and Aunt Daisy, Mackena is for Uncle Mack and Auntie Yo-Yo, and Phillipa is for Grandpa Coulson, but I’m sure you could guess all that. I learn about you guys when I go to class. Mr. Adams, my teacher, always says that you’re heroes and tells us stories of how all of you saved his life when the Earth first cracked apart. But mum and dad tell me other stories of how Grandma May was really bad at cooking or how Grandpa Coulson loved Captain America and it makes me feel like you’re real people, not just representations of a world that’s long gone.”

Maisie wrapped the blanket around herself a little tighter, imagining she was wrapped in her late family’s embrace. 

“I don’t think I’m quite great enough to save the world like you yet, but I hope someday I’ll be able to live up to my namesakes. Not sure how much of the world is left to save, though.

“You know, dad still misses all of you. I remember the first few years after grandma and grandpa died, dad would work on his machine all day. He didn’t even come out to eat. Even now, whenever mum and I mention the both of you, he avoids the conversation. 

“Sometimes I notice him crying when he thinks I can’t see. He’s never told me how you died, and I think I probably don’t want to know. I wish I remembered the two of you better, grandma and grandpa. All I remember is grandma’s warm hugs and grandpa’s laugh. I can’t even remember what your voices sounded like. I wish none of you had died.” Maisie gave a sigh. 

“That’s really all I have to say right now, I guess. I’ll come back, though don’t worry.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I love all of you.”

<>

Maisie did come back. She came whenever she could, sometimes bringing her lunch, or bringing Robin with her. She would tell the stars about each and every part of her day. 

“Today I traded away some of dad’s old tools for new shoes,” she said once, showing off the dark purple sneakers on her feet. “I chose them because I know purple was your favourite colour, Aunt Daisy.”

“Today was my fifteenth birthday! Mum gave me one of her old microscopes, it’s absolutely amazing. And dad got me a graphing calculator. It’s the perfect weight, and the graphics are so beautiful.”

“Today Owen bought me a lemon. I’ve never had one before, I didn’t know it was so sour!” Maisie said with a laugh. “I think I misjudged him before. I used to think he was really annoying, but he’s really gotten quite sweet.”

“Today’s my sixteenth birthday. I can’t believe there’s only two years left until I go through terrigenesis. I know mum and dad think nothing will happen to me, but I’m nervous anyway.”

“Today I graduated from Mr. Adams’ class. Kids typically graduate at seventeen, but I skipped ahead a little. In fact, I could’ve skipped a few more years, but I wanted to learn with Owen and Robin for a little longer.” 

“Today I’m turning seventeen. Only one year until terrigenesis. I wish I didn’t have to go through that, I wish none of us did.”

“Today Owen told me about a group of his friends who want to rebel against the Kreepers. That’s what we’re calling them these days,” Maisie grinned slightly, but then her voice hardened into a more serious tone. “I hope they succeed. Living under Kree rule isn’t always the best.”

“I hate the Lighthouse!” Maisie said one day, tears streaming down her face. “I hate the Kree, I hate everything about it! Why did the Earth have to break apart?” That day, she hadn’t made it home in time to avoid a renewal. “I saw someone die, grandma,” she whispered, to the warmest coloured star in the sky. “Sophia, one of the ladies down this corridor, just got killed like it was no big deal. I think I’m going to go talk with the rebels tomorrow. There’s got to be a better life than this.”

Maisie’s visits got less and less frequent after that, busy as she was with plans of rebellion with Owen and his buddies. She grew closer with Owen, eventually sneaking kisses after rebel meetings, laughing together at old jokes, even debating the validity of some of her scientific theories once in a while. She grew more and more bitter towards the Kree.

One day, after weeks of staying out late and reports of fresh food being stolen from the Kree, Fitz-Simmons finally confronted their daughter. 

“Maisie,” Fitz greeted as the girl in question attempted to sneak back into their room. “We need to talk to you.”

Caught like a deer in headlights (not that she would understand the reference), Maisie slowly turned around and plastered a giant grin on her face. “Hi dad, hi mum! What was it you wanted to talk about?”

Simmons wrung her hands, unsure where to start. “We know you’ve been involved in the rebel activities,” she finally said. “We understand why, but it’s dangerous.”

Here Maisie cut in. “I know it’s dangerous, mum, but if we don’t do it, who will? We can’t just let the human race live like this for the rest of eternity. And you and dad did dangerous things all the time when you were younger!”

“We did those things so no one else would have to,” Fitz said sternly. “We did it so  _ you _ wouldn’t have to.”

“Yeah, and I’m doing this so future generations don’t have to!” Maisie was getting frustrated. “You’re the one who’s always telling me about how Aunt Daisy and Grandma May and Grandpa Coulson saved the world and everything, haven’t you considered that maybe it’s my turn?”

“They died to save the world!” Fitz exploded.

“Well maybe the world’s worth dying for!”

“It’s not, okay? This world isn’t worth it! It isn’t worth dying for, it isn’t worth killing for!” 

Maisie watched as her father stormed out of the room, frustrated tears running down his face. All she had wanted was to do something good for the Lighthouse, the people who came after her, and there she was arguing with her parents. Jemma gave a sad sigh. 

“Maisie, do you know how Grandma May and Grandpa Coulson died?”

Maisie shook her head. She had heard rumours, of course, May and Coulson had been quite famous in the Lighthouse, but as was often the case with rumors, it was hard to separate fact from fiction. 

“They died in a Renewal. Before, we were all hopeful that things would turn out different, that we could retake the Lighthouse for our own. May and Coulson spread the rumours with the rest of us about agents coming from the future, they stole food and resources from the Kree. Obviously, they attracted quite a bit of attention.

“Back then, your dad was just starting to design the time machine, and he spent most of his days inside his study instead of working with the rest of us. The Kree didn’t like that all that much, obviously. They decided to do something about it.

Jemma continued to tell the story of the fateful Renewal to her daughter. By the end of it, Maisie was in shocked tears, finally understanding the reason her father had been so mad, why her parents had been so worried. 

“But I can’t just ignore everything that’s happening,” stated Maisie forlornly. “It’s not right. I have to find a way to do something.”

Sitting there with her daughter, Jemma realized something. All these years, she and Fitz had been keeping a low profile, avoiding the notice of the Kree. They had called it a tactical retreat, but honestly, looking back, it now felt like nothing more than giving up, nothing more than running away. So she made a spur of the moment decision. 

“You know what, Maisie? I think you’re right. We need to do something.”

Which is how Jemma found herself teaching the rebels self defence late each night. She would adjust their postures just as May had done for her so many years ago, gently pulling shoulders back, demonstrating proper stance. Fitz wasn’t exactly happy about it, but he respected their decision, even as he grabbed a few emergency splinter bombs from the ‘future kit’ to keep in his pocket and paced back and forth every night waiting for Jemma and Maisie to come home. 

And they did come home, safe and sound, until one day Jemma didn’t.

<>

It had been years since Jemma had decided to help the rebels, and slowly yet surely they had been gaining back inches of freedom. They had been encountering only minimal resistance, but they should’ve known it wouldn’t last. 

Maisie had gotten married to Owen, and Deke was already almost five now. He was absolutely adorable, Fitz had admitted, melting immediately when he was able to hold Deke in his arms. Nothing like the annoying guy from the future/past. It was difficult to reconcile the fact that his grandson and other Deke were one and the same. 

Robin was maturing into a sweet woman, one who was loved by everyone around her. She babysat Deke sometimes. 

But it was that fateful day which threw a wrench into the carefully constructed family life Fitz-Simmons were able to build. 

That morning had started out like any other, with Jemma going to her job before heading over to the secret meeting room in the evening. (There were so many rooms in the Lighthouse not even the Kree knew about them all.) Things progressed smoothly as the rebels sparred each other, ducking under high kicks and dodging blows, until the Kree came. 

None of them knew how the Kree were able to find them, but that didn’t matter. For all their skill in fighting, it still wasn’t enough to combat the advanced weaponry and brute strength of the Kree. They were dragged out to the trading area, knives pressed against their necks. The Klaxons that had signalled the ending of so many lives rang once again, calling for a floor-wide meeting. 

Fitz walked leisurely over to the trading area, splinter bombs in his pocket. He wasn’t going to give the Kree any more of his time than was necessary, he was  _ so close _ to finishing the time machine. But he broke into a run as he heard a painfully familiar scream. 

“Jemma!” he yelled, eyes widening as he took in the sight of his wife. She was bruised and bloody, Kasius standing over her. Next to Kasius was Sinara.

In the back of his mind, he registered that it was the first time Sinara had come down to their floor, and he realized why she was there. A demonstration. She was meant to scare the humans into forgetting any thoughts of rebellion. And from the looks of it, it was clear who they would be demonstrating on. 

He pulled out a splinter bomb, getting ready to throw it at Sinara or Kasius (He really didn’t care who at the moment), but Jemma met his eyes and gave him a firm shake of her head. Following her line of sight, he saw, in the dark corner, his daughter and son in law with blades pressed harshly to their throats. 

There came a dim realization that Kasius was talking, but Fitz wasn’t listening. All he could see were the metal spheres that Sinara had pulled out, getting dangerously close to Jemma’s limbs. 

Death by dismemberment. Of course. That seemed to be one of the Kree’s favourite ways to kill a person, relishing the yells of pain and gazes of horror. (The Doctor part of Fitz would have to agree with them, it was especially effective in scaring the populace into obedience.)

Thinking desperately for some way to save Jemma without dooming everyone else, Fitz looked back and forth between Maisie and Jemma. He met Maisie’s tearful eyes, begging for an idea to come to him, any idea at all. 

There were none. 

Sinara’s spheres suddenly shot out towards Jemma, cutting off her hand at her wrist as gasps of horror echoed around the room. Jemma’s eyes were shut tight in concentration, trying not to give the Kree the satisfaction of crying out. She knew that the shock probably had something to do with her success. 

Her other hand was cut off, and Jemma finally let out a scream. Fitz was shocked into tearful silence, even as his hands tightened around the splinter bomb in his hand. 

The splinter bomb. 

Fitz knew exactly what he could do to stop them hurting Jemma, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. He forced his arm higher and higher in jerky movements, but he couldn’t let go of the weapon.

Another scream from Jemma as her arm was cut off, along with the tears freely streaming down her face, finally convinced Fitz. With a final cry of  _ I love you, Jemma, _ Fitz threw the splinter bomb, half wishing his aim would be perfect and half wishing he would miss. 

He didn’t miss. 

Jemma dissolved into ash with no sound at all, only accompanied by the ringing of her last screams in the air and the shocked sniffles of Maisie.

Jemma dissolved into ash with no ceremony, no fanfare, no funeral. A strangely quiet death for someone so exceptional.

Jemma dissolved into ash, and the last of SHIELD broke apart. 

<>

Fitz didn’t talk anymore. He didn’t eat, he didn’t drink, he didn’t acknowledge anyone or anything. He didn’t cry.

He didn’t even visit the stars.

He spent his days cooped up inside his small office, adding the final touches to the time machine. It was finished quickly, with no celebration other than whispered congratulations from Maisie and Owen. He didn’t register it. 

He didn’t register anything these days, really, not Deke’s innocent laughter, or Maisie’s forgiving words, or Owen’s pity. He didn’t register Robin’s devastated tears nor her frequent visits. He didn’t register the Kree’s anger at him, the fact that he was missing work, the arrival of the next Renewal. 

Fitz didn’t try to run when the man next to him saw his metric turn red. He barely registered the man lifting the same revolver he had used to kill Coulson so many years ago. He didn’t register Maisie calling out his name frantically as she turned to grab his arm, nor the bullet entering his stomach. He didn’t register the pain he felt when he died. 

<>

Fitz’s eyes slowly blinked open to see Jemma’s beautiful face staring back at him. She was beaming, light and hope back in her eyes, more like the woman he had first fallen in love with than the woman who desperately found a way to survive in the Lighthouse. 

“Fitz,” she said, and Fitz felt almost happy again for the first time in years. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

The blurry light shining into his eyes focussed, and Fitz could make out the welcome faces of Daisy, of Mack, of Yo-Yo, of May, of Coulson, of his mother standing beside them. All of them were smiling as wide as they had ever smiled, and Fitz couldn’t help but match them with his own bright grin. 

He wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn’t find the words. It didn’t matter though, because he was so, so,  _ happy _ for the first time in  _ so long. _ So instead, he collapsed into Jemma’s familiar arms, holding her as tight as he could. He was finally home. 

<>

That night (for there was finally a difference between night and day again), Fitz didn’t talk to the stars. Instead, he smiled and laughed with his family, telling stories of Maisie and Deke and Robin. 

When everyone had reluctantly gone home (“People need sleep in the afterlife too, apparently,” said Coulson), Fitz sat beside Jemma, relishing the feel of her hand in his. He hadn’t stopped smiling yet, and didn’t think he ever would. But then he thought back to everything he had lived through, everything they had all lived through, and his bright smile dimmed a little. 

“We made a whole lot of wrong choices in our lives, didn’t we?” he asked his wife quietly. 

Jemma hummed, a thoughtful sound. “Maybe,” she finally said with a small, reassuring smile. “But we made them for the right reasons.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay I know this was supposed to be angst but I felt guilty for killing everyone and I just had to write a happy ending oops
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MY BETAS would-die-for-fitzsimmons, coal_burningbright, and bad_ash10!!! I couldn’t have done it without you guys. To my readers, please consider checking out their works and tumblrs: they’re the absolute best.


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